strathspey@strathspey.org:27865

Oberdan Otto

Re: Pre-Booking

Oct. 12, 2001, 9:13 p.m. (Message 27865, in reply to message 27791)

>Honestly, I think everyone
>expects significant others to dance first and last and a special one, also.
>I have to say my experience with solidly pre-booking says it is a
>cross-generational disease......

Hot button!!!

Characterizing pre-booking as a disease or a form of anti-social 
behavior as some of the messages in this thread are suggesting is 
unkind and judgmental. It is truly nobody's business but my own 
whether or not I pre-book and why. In fact, it is nobody else's 
business (except perhaps my SO) who I partner in a dance and why. I 
firmly reject any notion that who I dance with and when and why 
should be any part of SCD etiquette. I would suggest that those 
busy-bodies who feel qualified to judge my behavior in this regard 
have too much time on their hands.

Relying on "rules of etiquette" is a substitute for applying good 
sense and courtesy. Such rules are good for children and for those 
who are unsure of how to be courteous. Considering the thousands of 
situations in which one could find oneself, having some guidelines 
can be very helpful. The problem with relying "rules" rather than 
your own sense of the best action in a particular situation is that 
rules cannot cover every situation. Moreover, blind application of 
what you think to be the rules of etiquette is a sure way to hurt 
somebody's feelings. For example: "Women don't ask men to dance" is 
most certainly in somebody's etiquette book.

Someone suggested a practice of "conditional booking". That is a 
minefield I will not touch. While some conditional bookees might 
actually think it a good approach, others might not like it at all, 
but out of politeness, they will not tell you so. Personally, I would 
not accept a conditional booking. A booking is a commitment. A 
conditional commitment? Give me a break! If it is not a commitment, 
then it isn't a commitment, is it? If I have booked a dance with 
someone (which I do infrequently), I will honor that booking.

The real problem has nothing to do with pre-booking--it is how to 
include everyone in the dancing who wants to be included. There is no 
single solution, but as other messages in this thread have indicated, 
pre-booking can be used as a tool to be sure some people are included 
who would otherwise not be.

Also, I find the attitude that I would be doing someone a favor by 
dancing with them to be distasteful. When I dance with someone, it is 
because I want to and because I expect that we will have fun dancing 
together. And, interestingly, regardless of who I dance with, it is 
hardly ever otherwise.

Cheers, Oberdan.

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