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  • Don MacQueen

    Don MacQueen Oct. 10, 2001, 8:47 a.m. (Message 27831)

    Invitational etiquette (was Pre-Booking)

    I would like to add a corollary to Richard's very sensible sounding approach.
    A personal policy of mine, and one that I believe is generally 
    advised in our area,
    is this: if one declines an invitation to dance the next dance (for 
    any reason) it is
    then extremely rude to either accept a subsequent invitation to the 
    same dance, or
    issue an invitation to someone else to the same dance.
    [If the reason for the original refusal is because of a
    pre-booking, that would be the only exception I can think of, and the refusal
    would of course be accompanied by an apology. One of the reasons
    why I don't like pre-booking.]
    At 5:12 PM -0400 10/9/01, wrote:
    >      A couple of years ago I was the one male who accompanied 3 or 4 local
    >dance lady friends to a far out of town tea dance, so it was somewhat
    >expected that I would at least dance with each of them in the afternoon,
    >and during intermission we arranged for that.  Alas, that ended up booking
    >the last 4 dances of the day.  Imagine my emrbarrassment when a lovely
    >young lady with the hosting group asked me to dance toward the end of the
    >program, and I had to decline for all the remaining dances of the day.  She
    >was rightfully miffed.
    >      So now I have a new policy which I share with anyone I book a dance
    >with (other than the first and last for my favorite lady of course):  Yes
    >let's book a dance, and yes let's look for each other during the prior
    >dance, and yes let's try to get over to one another for the dance, BUT.. if
    >anyone stops us in between and asks for a dance before we can hook up, then
    >we accept, and thus avoid appearing rude or hurting someone's feelings.
    >Everyone I've used this caveat with has accepted it and thought it made
    >sense.  My significant other and I also use this approach for mid program
    >dances we have hoped to do together; we feel this especially important as
    >there are usually more women than men present, and she does not want to say
    >no to and potentially alienate a male requester who probably has many more
    >opportunities available to dance with the opposite sex than she.
    >      And yes I admit to having been seen at times scurrying across the
    >dance floor determinedly with my head down and eyes averted.
    >Richard Brown
    >Conklin, NY
    Don MacQueen
    California, USA

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